Thursday, December 15, 2022

I Read a Book, Y'all

Hello, friendos. I've read a book this week, at the recommendation of YouTube channel Hello Future Me. The book in question is Children of Time written by Adrian Tchaikovsky. The book is great. Like, genuinely great. It's the type of science fiction that could convert a bibliophobe to a rabid fan. I typically avoid science fiction as a genre, not because there isn't great science fiction, but because I'm an elf-ears-and-second-breakfast, Tolkien-pilled, fantasy reader. Children of Time has changed that. I've already bought the sequel, Children of Ruin, and I intend to pick up the third in the series as soon as I can. 

Go read it, if you're even remotely interested. The book is rife with potential spoilers, so I'm going to be as vague as I possibly can, but if you value the opinion of this basement-dwelling nerd-king, it has my enthusiastic endorsement. 

Now that the review is out of the way, I'm going to run through a quick fan-cast of the key players. Technically, there are a few more characters than this, both human and alien. The alien characters, to my mind, really need to be silent, and should be entirely CG. I think it will contribute to the otherness that- in my opinion- is key to the story. The human characters not named below are each intriguing in their own right, but in my imagination, they never took shape in the same way the key players did. 

Let's get into this. First off, I want to talk about the audience POV character, and arguably the main character in the book, Holsten Mason. This was an easy one for me, as I listened to the audiobook narrated by Mel Hudson, whose interpretation of this character took shape the moment I heard her chosen accent. I want this role to go to Liam Cunningham. You may know him as Davos Seaworth on Game of Thrones. Listening to Hudson reading Mason, it was as if she had been going for an impression of Davos Seaworth, or vise versa. 



Next, I want to talk about Lain. Lain is the Chief Engineer of the Arkship Gilgamesh, and feels at times like a perfect foil to Mason. Where Mason is timid through the bulk of the novel, Lain is a brusque, somewhat vulgar, and tough. At first, my mind went exactly where I imagine many others might, Ellen Ripley in Aliens. I was so sure in this that I was going to just take the easy way out, recommend Jamie Lee Curtis for this role, and call it a day. I was thinking on it all day Wednesday and Most of the day Thursday, and I spent some time meditating on Black Panther: Wakanda Forever. Angela Bassett is on top of the world right now, and is undoubtedly one of the greatest talents of her time, and throughout Wakanda Forever she, as Queen Ramonda, was an exemplar of powerful femininity, and that's why Bassett is my choice for Lane. 


The next character on the stump will be another huge player in the plot of the story, Dr. Avrana Kern. Kern is a scientist who, through a random roll of the dice, outlived her world as she knew it. The character is defined by tragedy, but more than anything, is superior. She is the best of her world and she has no qualms with thinking as much. To say she has a god complex is, I fear, both an understatement and a disservice to the character. When seeking out a source for this specific type of inflated ego, I had to go to another Game of Thrones alumnus. Lena Headey played smug and self-satisfied for years and she played it well. She's my pick for the role of Kern. Interestingly enough, Headey and Bassett worked together in the film Gunpowder Milkshake. I haven't seen it. 


Expect these to get a little less verbose from this point forward. These are the best of the best in the supporting cast, and I don't have much in the way of justification for these choices. This is just the face that got stuck in my brain-web when I was listening to how the characters interacted.

First up is Commander Guyen, which I for some reason was expecting to be spelled Nguyen, so you'll hopefully forgive my dumb American brain for attaching an Asian face to this role. Again, I've got no justification for this, but in my mind, Guyen was James Hong. Frankly, he's in so many movies which made up the bulk of my childhood that he and Pat Morita feel more like older Asian relatives than like actors, but enough about my unhealthy parasocial relationships. James Hong deserves a win, and Guyen is a great character to really dig in a chew scenery, so Hong is my choice for the role.


Vitas is a scientist, and is the Chief Science Officer of the Gilgamesh. In Vitas, we see echoes of Kern; however, instead of heedless ego, her character is cold, calculating, and stoic. Listen, I'm not proud of this, but the emphasis placed on Vitas' stony lack of expression reminded me in a big way of the (frankly extremely undeserved) hate that Kristen Stewart got in the wake of her somewhat lifeless performance in the early Twilight movies. Stewart has since blossomed as an actor and has proven several times over that Bella Swan is the exception rather than the rule. She's an easy pick for Vitas in my book. 


Last character I'll be talking about here is the Chief Security Officer of the Gilgamesh, Karst. Karst is a terse and gruff man who, despite appearances, turns out to be a reasonable and effective leader when he's made to fill that role. I genuinely have no idea why, but in my mind, I was seeing Alexander Skarsgård as the face of this character. Admittedly, I did toy with the idea after the fact of casting Kristofer Hivju in the role to get the Game of Thrones hat trick, but in the end, Skarsgård won out in the theatre of my mind.


And that's it, y'all. I'm going to bed after putting this on the socials. I hope you enjoyed reading this even a fraction as much as I enjoyed reading Children of Time. I also hope you'll go out and pick up the book yourselves, so that we can see Disney or Amazon pick this up for a movie/series deal and see this fancast become reality. With that said, if you're hankerin' for more NKP content and don't want to wait the week until my next update to the blog-o-sphere, maybe check out my TikTok profile, Instagram profile, or Twitter profile. My sincerest thanks for reading. Cheers! 
 

Tuesday, April 19, 2022

Invoking the Octessence

After spending a little time thinking on how to "fix" the Venomverse, I reflected on the idea of reformed villains, and more specifically, on the character arcs that would surely follow Spider-Man: No Way Home. Seeing all of the actors from the previous Spider-Man franchises reprise their roles in the latest entry to the Holland franchise really hit me with a wave of nostalgia that I was utterly unprepared for. Naturally, being a hobbyist writer and professional nerd, the swell of creative energy and the nostalgia married together to form an abomination an idea for the next season of What If...

Let's set the scene, shall we? We open in the dungeon of the MCU Sanctum Sanctorum. I want an animated recreation of the scene from No Way Home in which Dr. Strange is demonstrating the teleporting web-shooter to Peter, but from the perspective of one of the cells. As we hear the line "How did you do that?" the camera will flip to reveal Otto Octavius staring in wide-eyed wonder at this employment of magic. When Dr. Strange replies "Lots of birthday parties" I want the words to echo as we slowly zoom into Octavius' eyes, which blink. As he reopens them, pull back the camera to reveal that he's in a lab, staring at schematics for his extra limbs with "nanotechnology" somewhere on the screen. He takes off his glasses, hands them to a clawed limb, rubs his eyes, then we watch as the tentacle replaces his glasses and we return our focus to the screen. Octavius minimizes the schematic he was working on and searches for "Magic" online. When the expected results of party tricks and the like populate the screen, we see Octavius more emphatically search on "Real Magic", "Sorcery", and finally "Witchcraft". We see him click on a link at the top of the results for a Wikipedia-style "List of Witches Burned in Salem" and then idly read the article, pausing very briefly and staring at an artist's rendition of an actual burning labeled "The Immolation of Agatha Harkness". Absentmindedly, Octavius reads the name of the painting and we smash cut to a close shot of a woman's eyes which flash open. 

This, uncharacteristic of the series, will start the episode, and will be immediately followed by a cut to black which leads into the Uatu's monologue on the multiverse. Once we've seen the opening credits sequence, we'll find ourselves following Octavius as his mechanical arms curl around his torso and he dons a trench coat to leave the lab. Remembering his time in the MCU, we'll watch as he travels to 177A Bleecker Street, hoping to see his universe's sanctum sanctorum; however. when he arrives he'll instead find a normal apartment building. Seemingly dejected, he'll turn and walk away. As he departs, behind him we'll see Chiwetel Ejiofor's Baron Mordo step through the illusion which disguises the Sanctum, approach Octavius from behind, and use magic to render him unconscious. The camera fades to black. 

When the next scene starts, we start on another close shot of Octavius' eyes as they slowly flicker open. We'll then pan out to reveal that Octavius is again locked inside a cell in the Sanctum dungeon. Mordo will be sitting, meditatively just outside the cell, and without looking up at him will say "How do you know of this place's true nature?". Octavius, realizing that his only explanation literally involves a parallel universe, will waffle on his answer, unsure of how to explain. Mordo will then ask "What are the devices on your back?". This question, for Octavius, will be much easier to answer. I'm thinking something to the effect of "A week ago, these were my greatest curse. Now, they're little more than harmless lab assistants.". At this point, Mordo will stand, pull back his hood, and stare into Octavius' eyes. "I cannot make sense of your words, but the Eye of Agamotto's Knowledge will reveal all". We'll see Mordo open his external robe to reveal an Eye of Agamotto more akin to the Eye of Knowledge from the comics, then he'll perform the somatic hand-signs to open the eye's pupil. A green light will spill out of the eye onto Octavius for a moment, only for Mordo to reseal the eye and balk for a moment, only to say "Well, I can see why you had some trouble with my first question." Then lower the barrier enclosing Octavius. "I see how you know of this place, but why would you seek it out?". To this, Octavius will reply, "Until I saw the man standing right where you are do the things he did, I was the most incredible thing I'd ever seen.", waggling his extra arms around, "...but knowing that there's so much more, so much good I could do... It's eating me up inside.". Mordo will reply, "And you think that you're worthy of these gifts?". To this, Octavius will reply, "I don't know, but I have to find out. Will you teach me?". Mordo will reply, "That's not for me to decide. Follow me." During this conversation, the pair will have been walking through the Sanctum, and will arrive at this moment at the hall of teleporting doors featured in the hallway fight scene of Doctor Strange. Mordo will rotate the dial next to the center window, and reveal Kamar-Taj.

As the duo step through the passage, they will be greeted by The Ancient One. Now, I have a few ideas for this iteration of The Ancient One, I'm not sure what the best action would be, but I'll lay them out here. First, we have a more comic-accurate Ancient One portrayed by an Asian actor. My first thought on this was Ken Watanabe. Another thought was that this Ancient One is just a 1-to-1 variant of the MCU Ancient One, voiced by Tilda Swinton. For the sake of continuity and ease-of-access, this option might be the best one. The next idea, and the one that I used to proceed down this rabbit hole, is that this Ancient One is Stephen Strange, but a considerably older version than we see in the MCU. I want this Ancient One to be pictured always wearing his comics-accurate red gloves. 

At this point, I have to be a little vague, but I'd like to see a montage inspired by-but slightly dissimilar to the MCU Dr. Strange training sequence. This said, I do have a couple of minor changes I'd like to see in this montage unique to Dr. Octavius. First, during a segment in the library, instead of the Book of Cagliostro being missing, the Ancient One's private books will all be present. I want these to be lined out in an octagonal pattern, each corresponding to a member of the Octessence. I want Octavius to take an immediate interest in this higher-echelon knowledge, as MCU Strange did during his training. The key difference between them is that while MCU Strange used astral projection to read constantly, Dr. Octavius will be reading five of these books at once, reading one with his eyes, and the rest using his claw's "eyes". The second change I'd like to see is that during his first sparring match with Mordo, I want Octavius to instinctively use his claws, lashing out in a moment of desperation. After seeing this, Ancient Strange will say something to the effect of, "As a Doctor, I think I can say that you've used these crutches long enough." at which point he'll wave a hand toward Octavius and we'll see his extra limbs evaporate in a shower of the trademark orange sparks of Strange's magic. Despite this, instead of being dejected at the loss of the extra limbs, I want this to motivate Octavius to redouble his efforts, and over time, I want the montage to show Octavius exhibiting a mastery of magic, even getting to a level of skill which allows him to best Mordo in a duel. 

At the end of his training, I want Mordo to recommend to Ancient Strange that with Octavius being such a skilled sorcerer, it may be time for him to return to the Sanctum in Beijing, so that he can resume his duty as it's overseer. Strange could at this point ask who he plans to install as caretaker of the New York Sanctum, and Mordo could nominate Octavius. After a brief conversation bringing Octavius up to speed on this decision, Strange, whom we now see without his gloves for the first time, would offer Octavius a handshake to seal the deal, at which point, eagle-eyed viewers would notice that Ancient Strange's fingertips are blackened. As Octavius used his sling ring to open a portal to the New York Sanctum and stepped through, the camera would linger on Ancient Strange, who would then say something to the effect of, "He has left the protection of Kamar-Taj. Do what you will." as his eyes went black and emitted a black and purple smoke. 

We then shift back to the perspective of Octavius, settling into the walls of the Sanctum Sanctorum. That night, we would see Octavius sleeping uneasily. We would see him tossing and turning fitfully, sweating, and intercut the scene with brief glimpses of a witch burning from a distance that would slowly zoom in. What would at first sound like screaming in the fire, would, as the camera slowly grows closer, be revealed to be laughter. The laughter would crescendo at the moment the camera was close enough to the burning woman's face to see her maniacally cackling. At that moment we would see Octavius bolt upright and look frantically around the sleeping chambers. Unable to sleep, he would stand and walk around the Sanctum, examining each of the magical artifacts housed therein. This would be an opportunity to see a few Easter eggs, like the armature which MCU Strange used to trap Kaecilius, the Wand of Watoomb, the Staff of the Living Tribunal, and lastly, the Cloak of Levitation, which Octavius would briefly linger on. As he wanders the halls of the Sanctum, just on the edges of the sceen, I want a shadow to be visible stalking him. Every now and then, I want to see a flash of a pair of glowing purple eyes which will open behind him. 

As Octavius lingers at the top of the stairs briefly, I want the shadow to ounce on him from behind, knocking him down the stairs, now revealed to be a wild-looking Agatha Harkness. As the two scramble for superiority, slinging spells at one another, I want it to be clear that Agatha, as the vastly more experienced of the two, has a distinct upper hand. After thoroughly trouncing Octavius in the initial spell-slinging combat Harkness would poise herself over him and begin an incantation. As she performs the spell, we would see a stream of orange sparks siphoning out of Octavius' eyes and mouth and funneling into hers, causing Octavius to grow visibly haggard and gaunt. Just when it seems that all is lost, I want a sling-ring portal to open behind Agatha and Ancient Strange to step through. Seeing that he's made it on time, I want Ancient Strange to try and stop her by saying something to the effect of, "Harkness, stop. I want this one left alive. I believe he could be my successor. I can find you another to sacrifice.". At this point, Harkness would reply with something to the effect of, "You beg me for the secrets of eternal youth, then balk at the means to your requested end? I've given you your longevity, Stephen. I can take it away." then she would snap her fingers and we would see Ancient Strange collapse and begin to rapidly wither. 

As Harkness turns her attention back to Octavius, she would see that he is now standing, preparing a spell. While he's weaving his hands through the air casting the spell, he will say "My dear lady, do you know the difference between a witch and a sorcerer? Witches have limits to their magics, only able to use what they have or what they've stolen. Sorcerers? We draw on much older powers. Like the-", at which point he'll be cut off by Agatha conjuring a gag over his mouth, only for her to hear from behind her "...the Images of Ikonn.". As she hears this, she'll glance back at the gagged Octavius who will evaporate into a shower of sparks, and a number of identical, ungagged Octavius illusions will emerge into view, all of them performing somatic spell components. Then one will say, "...or the Vapors of Valtorr..." and a torrent of lightly obscuring fog will erupt from his robes. Agatha will throw a bolt of black magic at this illusion and it will dissipate as the first did. "...or the Fangs of Farallah..." another of the Octavius illusions will say, throwing orange glowing serpents at Agatha, who now on the backfoot, will stumble blocking the spell. She'll counter attack and cause that illusion to dissipate. "... or the Winds of Watoomb..." another illusion will say, causing a localized violent gust to disorient Harkness. Off-balance, Harkness will fire a bolt of black magic at this illusion, which will go-wide, shattering the glass case containing the Cloak of Levitation. She'll fire again, this time striking and dissipating the next illusion. "...or the Bolts of Balthakk..." another illusion will say, conjuring bolts of golden-orange lighting which will be met in the air by a bolt of Agatha's black magic. As the two "beam struggle" to borrow a term from Dragonball-fandom, another illusion will say, "or the Seven Rings of Raggadorr..." Conjuring seven golden semi-solid rings at equidistant points surrounding Agatha. "... or the-" the second to last illusion will begin before being cut off when Agatha overcomes the beam-struggling illusion, dissipating it, then firing a second bolt to dissipate the latest illusion. "...the Chains of Krakkann." the last Octavius will finish, causing glowing heavy chains to spill from the floating rings, wrapping tightly around agatha's limbs, suspending her in midair. "... or the Crimson-" the last Octavius will say, seemingly confidently, before Agatha's growing laughter overpowers his voice. "You forgot a key difference between witches and sorcerers, Octavius. Witches don't need to do yoga to cast spells!" she'll scream before her eyes roll back in her head and she begins muttering an incantation. We'll see, as Octavius is still performing somatic components, his arms snap behind his back painfully, then we'll intercut brief glances at the still-suspended, muttering Agatha, with a view of Octavius as his arms twist and are pulled violently, culminating in an audible snapping of bone. 

Just as it seems like Agatha is going to kill Octavius, and he is visibly fading in and out of consciousness, we'll see orange astral tentacles erupt from his back, which will then finish the somatic components to his spell. "the Crimson Bands of Cyttorak." he'll barely manage to eke out, as red ribbon-like conjurations emit from his astral tentacles and cover Harkness' mouth, releasing his arms which fall limp to his sides. 

Octavius then falls backwards onto the ground, just as another sling-ring portal opens up nearby. Mordo will step out, see the suspended Agatha Harkness and collapsed Octavius, and say "I felt the presence of the Ancient One waning, when he wasn't at Kamar-Taj, I had hoped he would be here. What has happened here?!" Octavius, will use one of his astral arms to point in the direction of the now withered Strange, and as Mordo begins to walk toward him, the tentacle will grab his arm. Mordo will turn around, looking at Octavius on the ground, and the astral arm will point at the Eye of Agamotto's Knowledge, and then at Octavius. Getting the hint, we'll see Mordo invoke the powers of the eye, and we'll cut away to the shattered glass case containing the Cloak before panning back just in time to see Mordo witness the last moments of the battle. "I see. All those disappearances, I should have known.". 

Mordo will approach Ancient Strange, now withered and clearly dead, and close his eyes, then will turn back to Octavius. "I'll see that she's taken back to Kamar-Taj. She'll be permanently silenced and imprisoned." Mordo will say. "I'll also send a few sorcerers back here to help treat your injuries and repair your sanctum." He'll say, replacing the Crimson gag over Harness' mouth with a real, material one, then dispelling the invocations suspending her. I think this would be a good opportunity to go one of two ways. This could be the feature of Mordo which separates him from the main-MCU Mordo, in that he could remain loyal to Kamar-Taj despite the Ancient One abusing his status. Alternatively, this could be an opportunity to align this Mordo with the MCU Mordo, now seeing that power corrupts, he may choose to turn his back on the Sorcerers. I would like to think that this version of Mordo, like the MCU version, would be honorable enough to follow through with cleaning up the mess made during the fracas, but that will likely be the splitting point. With the slimmer runtime of an episode of What If..., we may not even have the time to spend on Mordo's arc, but the opportunity exists.

At the end of the episode, we'll see a council of Sorcerers, which may or may not include Mordo, elect Octavius the new Sorcerer Supreme, and we'll cut to cut to a shot of Octavius, now wearing the Cloak of Levitation and a green version of Doctor Strange's classic costume, before the camera pans upwards toward the sky and we hear Uatu's outro monologue waxing philosophical about the ramifications of abusing power or some such poppycock. 

You know, for a simple case of Oct/Oct word association, this one really grew legs on me, I wasn't expecting this to take nearly as long as it did. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed dreaming it up. With that said, if you're hankerin' for more NKP content and don't want to wait the week until my next update here, maybe check out my TikTok profile, Instagram profile, or Twitter profile. My sincerest thanks for reading. Cheers!

Saturday, April 9, 2022

My Pitch to Rescue the Venom-verse!

So, Morbius was a real nightmare, huh? I don’t think, in the entirety of the time I’ve been a fan of the genre, that I’ve ever seen such a tremendous hitch in the industry’s collective giddyap. After such an assault on the senses, it’s not that hard to imagine that all parties involved would wish to wash their hands of the project with expedience, then move on to inevitably greener pastures. It’s an understandable reaction to being associated with a film that, as of this writing, is sitting at a miserable 36 on Metacritic and an even more miserable 16% on Rotten Tomatoes. To put that into perspective, Halle Berry’s Catwoman is lower by only a slim margin on both platforms.

One could be forgiven for espousing the opinion that the Morbius-verse and all associated properties should be shitcanned and killed with fire in a hurry. With that said, I am an insufferable optimist and an apologist for some of the worst projects in this niche of culture, and while I too think that this entire universe should be taken to the pasture and turned to glue post-haste, I also harbor the genuine belief that it can yet be saved. In this post, it is my goal to precisely outline my plan to do just that, and hopefully, in so doing, put to rest the weird smoky CGI demons which have haunted me for the past few days.

When I set myself to this challenge, one of the first bugbears I had to grapple with was which parts of the franchise to leverage into usable character arcs. I say franchise, as because Venom is mentioned by name in this movie, I am including both Venom movies as part of this little thought experiment. After thinking on this most of today, I think I’ve landed on Vulture’s lines in the second end credits scene in Morbius, “[…] I think a bunch of guys like us should team up and do some good.”. In my mind, this reads like Keaton’s Toomes has actually turned over a new leaf. It would certainly fit Tom Holland’s Spider-Man, the only Spider-Man to this point who has seemingly made a significant positive impact on any of his (and some of his peers) rogues. With multiverse happenings being the current “in thing” in comic book movies, I think that this might be a prime opportunity to take some inspiration from the somewhat recent Axis crossover event in Marvel comics and from DC Comics’ Earth 3 and make this universe one in which the moral alignment of heroes we’re currently familiar with is inverted. Think a massive episode of What If… if it was a Sony project with one foot in the grave.

Let’s start this pitch off by seeing where each of the characters that have been introduced are at this moment. Trying to make sense of the plot of Morbius may well be my undoing here, but if I am not mistaken, Dr. Morbius is currently on the lam running from authorities who may or may not want to catch him. He’s still ostensibly a hero, and that’s the only real key feature that we’re looking for here. Vulture, as of the most recent appearance, has been transported to the Venom-verse, and is actively seeking out other people with extra-ordinary powers and/or technology to “do some good”. It is unclear as of this moment whether Vulture’s intentions are to seek out this universe’s Spider-Man, but assuming they haven’t ruined his character development from Spider-Man: Homecoming, he seems to be amicable with the Webbed Wonder at worst. Venom, as of his last on-screen appearance, has recently been replaced in the Venom-verse after briefly stepping into the MCU long enough to hear the story up to this point. Venom, I think, is the most traditionally heroic of the three of these characters so far, as both of his movies have hinged on the development of a moral code and mutual respect between the symbiote and his host. These are heroic qualities. The part of that equation that I think is most important is that while Eddie was in the MCU, he learned a few very important details. It’s likely that more alien species exist, and that some of them are outwardly malicious, and that there was a group of individuals on that Earth called The Avengers who battled the aliens in question as protectors of that Earth. I think that this is the pivotal piece of information to that we can use to establish our story. This is the rock upon which we will build what I’m lovingly calling Venom: Apex.

I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that when Kraven comes out, that movie too will end with a, most likely reluctantly, heroic Kraven the Hunter seeking out his next quarry. It may seem like the easy play to assume that near the end of his film he’ll hear about a Spider-Man in New York City, but so far Sony has been keeping the Spider-Man card close to the chest in this franchise. Here’s my proposition. During the post credits scene of Kraven, have a mysterious man in a suit approach Kraven, Sony loves their mysterious, besuited men, and offer him a job hunting down a deranged Doctor who appears to have fled after developing super-human powers and committing several murders. This individual will seek out Kraven because of his reputation as a master hunter and will identify himself only as part of “The Task Force”. I specifically want to see Michael Mando in this role, and as the meeting concludes with Kraven taking the contract, I want a brief glimpse of a scorpion tattoo to be visible in-frame on Mando’s neck. This sets the table for the next movie in the franchise, which I’m going to pitch as Black Cat.

This movie will open with alarms blaring at a corporate office building. The camera will pan from the gates lit by orange alarm lights up to the side of the building to reveal the OsCorp logo. After that, the scene will smash-cut to a large group of security guards hustling up a staircase toward the top floor of the building into the penthouse office. As they climb higher, groups of guards break off and move to each floor, seemingly searching for an intruder. As we see them climb the stairs, the group slowly dwindling down to a single pair of guards carrying SMGs, we also see an unseen force winding up the building and hear a fierce wind growing.

We then switch to an over-the-shoulder perspective of the lead security guard as he kicks open an office door which is wrapped with police caution tape and has a plaque reading “Norman Osbourne” affixed to the wall beside. As the door flies open, we see the silhouette of a figure clad in black slipping a tablet into a black bag. The figure, seemingly unphased by the intrusion, continues to rifle through the desk, seemingly searching for a specific item. The guard fires a volley of rounds as a warning shot, which blows a large hole in the window behind the intruder. The intruder then stands up. We briefly cut to her perspective and watch her roll a micro-SD card over in her hand, then pocket the card. The main guard yells something to the effect of “Stop right there! I’ll shoot!”. We then cut to a close shot of the intruder’s eyes. She winks and backs toward the now-open window. The guard pulls the trigger of his firearm which clicks, jammed. He struggles to unstrap his firearm from its shoulder strap as his partner walks in behind him and lingers in the doorway. We cut to the intruder again as she looks out the window over her shoulder and then ducks, as the wind we had been following previously blows into the window, catching the door and slamming it into the second guard’s face, knocking him out. The intruder then escapes out the open window by jumping through the shattered hole. The lead guard, having finally freed himself from his weapon, rushes to the window and looks out to see nothing.

At the start of the next scene, we follow behind a brunette woman as she walks up the street, settling at a Starbucks or other such coffee shop. She sits down and we pan around her to reveal Felicity Jones as the actor. She reaches into a purse and pulls out the tablet stolen from the office the night before, and we watch as she deletes the name Felicia Hardy from the OsCorp employment logs, scrubbing her name from the company’s database. As her coffee arrives, another individual settles into the seat across from her at the table. The man, in shorthand “incognito” attire places a large bag on the ground next to his seat and slides it over to her side of the table. Felicia then produces the SD-card and shows it to the man. He’ll ask, “Is that it?” to which Felicia will reply, “The crypto-wallet of the ‘formerly’ richest man in town? Yeah. It is.”

As Felicia hands the man the card, the man will smile and produce a handgun from his coat and covertly point it at her. “You boys never learn.” She’ll say as she stands up calmly and slings the bag of cash over her shoulder. The man, irritated by this unphased behavior, will attempt to shoot Felicia, only to realize that his gun, much like the guard before him, is jammed. Felicity, now some distance away, will break into a sprint around a corner into an alleyway. The man will stand to give chase, only to trip over his shoelaces which have become entangled with the legs of the table. As his gun skitters to the ground in front of him, another café patron will notice and raise alarm amongst the other patrons.

This movie will proceed to become a standard heist film in which Felicia Hardy, whom we now know as Black Cat, as she is forced to burgle the very card from the NYPD evidence locker following the arrest of the black market fence at the coffee shop, after her “man in the chair” reveals to her that Harry Osbourne kept a backup of the OsCorp company manifest on the drive, in addition to no small volume of cryptocurrency. As for the identity of Hardy’s “man in the chair”, I had spent some time humming and hawing over whether to reintroduce an established character, or to make this person some interpretation of Doctor Tramma from the comics. In the end, I decided that I want to make this a now-reformed Max Dillon, who now sports the look he gained in Spider-Man: No Way Home. In between shots used for exposition in the main story, I want to inject a view of his screen which hints at efforts to regain his electricity-based powers. Perhaps have the exact manner in which he gained his powers documented on the SD-card alongside the other plot-important data.

I want the central conflict in the film to be the heist, and the 3 parties competing to put their hands on the data. First off are our protagonists, Felicia and Max. They each have motives to access the data as established above. Second, the NYPD are employing their cyber-security team to attempt to break the card’s encryption, as they believe it will hold evidence regarding the murder of an OsCorp board member, which occurred in the office of Norman Osborne during the third act of The Amazing Spider-Man 2. Lastly, I want the third party to be BJ Novak’s Alistair Smythe trying to recover the data as it contains designs for a number of prototype drones which he created. You could even have him refer to them as the “Slayer” drones or something to that effect.

I want this film to end with Felicia getting back the card, finally removing her name from the database, and Max taking the card and suggesting that he’d flip the crypto into tangible currency so that the two could have some measurable gain from the venture. In the first of two post-credits scenes, I want to have Dillon frantically checking gauges and displays on a large-scale experiment he’s running some indeterminate time in the future, only to strap himself into a chair and say “Project Electro, Mark 2, …Engage” only to have him react as if jolted by significant voltage and the screen to cut to black. In the second of two post-credits scenes, I want Felicia to be approached by the same individual as Kraven, identified by the scorpion tattoo, who then attempts to hire her services to burgle something. When she accepts, he hands her a dossier labeled “The Life Foundation: Project Antivenom”.

With that movie out of the way, it sets the stage for our prototype team-up movie. I’m calling this Venom: Apex. We open the movie with a relaxing Eddie Brock suddenly waking as the symbiote is beckoning him. Venom proceeds to explain to Eddie that through the symbiote hivemind, established in Venom: Let There Be Carnage, that he can sense another symbiote nearby, but that something feels “wrong” with it. I want Venom to explain that this symbiote’s mind feels still and quiet, like a newborn. Eddie would then sit upright revealing that he was asleep on a rooftop in New York City. It will be revealed through the course of the movie that Eddie and Venom came to New York hoping to find this universe’s Spider-Man, after hearing about the heroics of Tom Holland’s Spider-Man during his brief stay in the MCU. Using his investigative reporting skills, Eddie comes to find out that a few years ago a hero named Spider-Man had been in the city but had not been seen since accidentally killing a mob lieutenant named Aleksei Sytsevich during a fight in broad daylight. The new symbiote showing up was unplanned and takes the duo of Eddie and Venom by surprise, suddenly changing the priority of the visit to New York.

While running through the city, fully Venom-suited, another surprise will find the duo as Venom is shot by a large enough caliber bullet to stagger the symbiote mid-leap, causing them to crash into the vacant street below. As they recover, another round will clip them in the shoulder, then another in the knee. As they struggle to find the source of the volley, a bolo of steel cables will fly in from a nearby dark alley, tethering Venom’s injured arm to a nearby street sign. Venom will look in the direction of the bolo to see Kraven the Hunter, perhaps in full costume for the first time, step out of the alley. He will wrongfully address Venom as “Doctor Morbius” before Venom rips the signpost out of the ground and roars at him. At this point, Kraven will drop his rifle and pull a long bowie-knife from a sheath on his back and goad Venom to attack him. Despite the symbiote’s augmented strength and agility, this fight will be evenly matched, as Kraven has a level of cunning and combat instinct that outmatches Venom’s more primal and animalistic brawling style. In a fit of rage, Venom will raise a nearby car off the ground a swing it in a wide arc, slamming Kraven into a nearby tree, seemingly killing him. Venom will flee, and as he runs, we briefly switch to a shot of Kraven’s eyes opening, then to Kraven’s perspective to watch Venom amble up a nearby building. Kraven will stand, pull out a map of the city, scribble a note, then disappear into the darkness of the alley.

We’ll then switch to an exterior shot of a coffee shop or sidewalk café where an exasperated Michael Keaton will be flipping through a phone book and locating a listing of several Peter Parkers living in New York City. Knowing that his Spider-Man was Peter Parker, it would stand to logic that this universe’s Spider-Man is too. He’ll take a moment to jot down the listed addresses of the Peters in the phone book, then pull out a cell phone. We’ll come to discover that both Adrian Toomes and Michael Morbius are still working together and are searching for the Spider-Man of this universe to get answers about why Toomes was brought to this reality, and to attempt to recruit this universe’s Spider-Man to “do some good”. It’s worth remembering at this point that Toomes as of his last significant appearance on screen knows Spider-Man’s secret identity, knows that Peter is a good person/hero, and neglected to put Peter in danger given the opportunity, so I believe that this would be in-character for this version of Vulture.

As the story further progresses, we’ll see Toomes and Morbius seeking out these Peters, crossing them off the list one-by-one as they go until one night in Queens, just as the two are walking up to the house belonging to May Parker, they’ll see an explosion a few blocks up the street and hear screaming. As the two rush to help, we’ll see a silhouette resembling Spider-Man swinging on the building behind them. As they arrive, they’ll find a building on fire and hear multiple people screaming within. As they start to rush into the burning building, they’ll simultaneously watch as a white-suited webslinger swings into the building and start to rescue the trapped people inside. They will assist. Once the building is cleared out, they will notice that the other hero is swinging away, and they will give chase. Given that both Vulture and Morbius can fly, they will easily catch up to this person and land in front of him, cutting of his path. It will be at this point that we get our first real look at the mysterious hero, a male figure wearing a suit seemingly like a Spider-Man costume, but mostly in white. (I’m seeing the Future Foundation costume in my head.) Toomes will approach slowly and tentatively ask “Spider-Man?”. To which the man will crook his head and say “Yeah… Afraid Not.” Before slinging a “web” onto a nearby building to swing away. As he starts to pull the “web” Morbius will grab his wrist and attempt to stop him, saying “We only wanted to talk…”. This white suited person, however, will interpret this as a threat and throw Morbius into a nearby dumpster. Vulture will then say “Oh, shit” before activating his mask just in time to stop a vicious punch to the face by this extremely powerful new adversary. The trio will brawl in the cramped street for a moment, with the white suited vigilante seemingly gaining the upper hand through superior combat skills, but at some point Morbius will grab the hero by an ankle and slam him into a nearby parked car. The car’s alarm will blare, and as it does, what appeared to be a white suit worn by the vigilante will explode into an alien scream, revealing the face of actor Chris Zylka inside the head. The sudden shock will cause the newly revealed symbiote to “go feral” and wildly attack the already worn-out duo of Morbius and Vulture, who will promptly retreat. Seeing his opportunity, this white symbiote will also make his escape.

We’ll then cut to Felicia Hardy, seated in a car with tinted windows, taking photos with a telescopic lens of the headquarters of the Life Foundation. We’ll watch as she captures photos of each of the entrances/exits to the compound, then of any guards she can see, before finally driving the car away. As she begins to pull away, the camera will pull back from a close perspective into a wider shot in which we see a white blur swing onto the roof of the building and disappear. Hardy will notice on the way back to her new high-rise apartment that she’s being followed by a black SUV, but a brief musical sting will occur just as this SUV is blocked off by sudden, bumper-to-bumper traffic, allowing Hardy to lose the tail.

We’ll then cut back to Eddie’s perspective, as he is reading a news article about a cargo ship with several dead and exsanguinated mercenaries found on-board. Venom will be scrungling out of his back and staring at a news clipping pinned to a corkboard on the wall behind Eddie. The news clippings will be about the murder of Milo Morbius and the disappearance of Martine Bancroft. As they study the articles, Venom will continue to remind Eddie about the new symbiote he sensed and will mention that it is distracting him too much to think about this “Doctor Morbius” that the Russian man spoke of.

As they bicker, as Eddie and Venom are oft wont to do, we’ll see a glint through a nearby window, and we’ll switch to a shot of Kraven surveilling Eddie’s hotel room and listening in over a bug in the apartment. At this point we’ll learn that Kraven has determined that Venom is not the quarry he was hired to locate, but being the smart hunter that he is, will also recognize that Eddie is now also actively seeking Morbius. After some plot is established, we’ll overhear Eddie yell, “Fine! You want to go find this new symbiote, we’ll go hunting. After we find them, we’re getting out ahead of this Russian dude and finding this Michael Morbius guy.” Kraven will watch as Eddie leaves the hotel room, then waits until he exits the lobby, then pursues Eddie as he moves through the city. This could prove to be an opportunity for a “chase” sequence in which we watch Eddie riding his motorcycle through cramped New York streets as Kraven exhibits his athletic and acrobatic prowess by free running over rooftops and keeping pace with Eddie all the while. I understand that not all movies can have a runtime like The Batman, so if this sequence needs to be cut out, I could bear to part with it.

In the next scene, we’ll return to Felicia as she prepares on the next night for her break-in to the Life Foundation facility. As her [Insert product placement vehicle here] rolls to a stop near the curb outside, we watch as she puts a domino mask over her face. Then, in full costume, she’ll step out and infiltrate the company. In the background of this scene, I’d like for there to be multiple opportunities for guards to discover her, only to have bad luck befall them, keeping her hidden. Typical Black Cat fare. Once she gets into the building and starts moving toward the office which she believes to hold the item she’s been hired to steal, every now and then I want the audience to see a mostly obscured man in black and white military-inspired fatigues to be watching her from behind, seemingly trailing her, utterly still and silent. I want this part to feel like a horror movie.

Interspersed with the sequence described above, I want to cut away every couple of minutes to Vulture and Morbius flying over the tops of buildings, and I want them to be discussing the fight from the night before. As they fly, I want Vulture to say something to the effect of “Are you sure that he’s this way?” and I want Morbius to say “Yes. I can smell his blood. It smells… unique.”. then we’ll pan to the horizon in front of them to reveal the Life Foundation Compound. Meanwhile still, we’ll cut back to Eddie as Venom is shouting directions and Eddie is quickly making his way to the same place. Once they arrive, Eddie will attempt to sneak into the facility covertly, but Venom, ever the impatient foil to Eddie, will take over and bound over the fence and smash his way through armed security guards to start crawl/running up the building. Kraven, now perched on a building across the street will begin to assemble his hunting rifle.

We’ll now cut back to Black Cat as she has finally made her way into the most secure lab in the building, looking at rows of vials on a shelf. As we peruse the vials, we’ll see them labeled. A vial with a bead of black goo roiling inside labeled “Venom”, a red goo labeled “Carnage”, a yellow one labeled “Scream”, an orange one labeled “Phage”, and so on, until she reaches the end of the row and finds an empty vial labeled “Antivenom”. Seeing that it’s empty, she’ll be visibly frustrated briefly, suggesting that this is what she was hired to steal; however, her frustration will be cut short as a white tendril swings wildly at her, narrowly missing. This will begin a chase sequence in which Felicia runs from a now fully Antivenom suited man through the Life Foundation laboratories. As she runs, she’ll notice that her power over probability has no effect on this creature, and as she becomes more frantic, we’ll begin to show the audience that Antivenom is chasing her to the roof to corner her.

As they arrive on the roof, it will begin to look as though Antivenom has Felicia cornered near the edge of the building, when at the last moment before she’s killed Venom explodes over the edge of the building and begins grappling with his white counterpart. Cue up a big action sequence in which we have yet another symbiote on symbiote fight near the end of the third act. As they grapple, I want it to be clear that Eddie is wholly outmatched here. Antivenom seems to have formal combat training and is otherwise stronger, faster, and less bestial than Venom. At some point in the fracas, I want Venom to attempt to take a bite out of Antivenom, only to panic visibly, as though he had ingested something poisonous. This fight will culminate in Antivenom picking up a large spear of rebar from the roof and pinning Venom onto the roof with it. Typically, this would not stop Venom, as the symbiote can reorganize Eddie’s body inside the suit, but for some reason, he’s currently unable to. We’ll reveal as the scene progresses, either through Eddie/Venom dialogue or through villain monologuing that Antivenom was designed to counter Venom, and as such, coming into contact with Antivenom causes Venom to become weaker and lose some of his regenerative abilities.

At this point, we’ll hear clapping. From just inside the now-opening roof-access door, we’ll see B.J. Novak casually walk out and say “Mr. Brock! Let me tell you, it is an honor to finally meet you. My name is Alistair Smythe, and I’ve been watching you from across the country for some time now. Ever since I bought this place, that is. Turns out, when you and your pet decided to blow up that shuttle a few years ago, Life Foundation stock prices plummeted, and the de-facto CEO of OsCorp was able to swoop-in and buy the company – and all of its research- for next to nothing.” He’ll walk up and take a place next to Antivenom, who is now standing at attention. “You know, these creatures are powerful weapons. All you really need to do is find a way to shut off their higher cognitive functions and BOOM! You have a super-soldier in a bottle. Then any volunteer can simply bond with the creature and have, well… basically any super-power you can think of. Flash here…” and as he says this the Antivenom suit’s mask will pull back to reveal Chris Zylka’s Flash Thompson “…has been studying video clips of you, video of military training exercises, and most importantly, footage of the Spider-Man to learn how to fight with his suit, and the symbiote bonded to his brain made him soak up the footage like a sponge.”

At this point, I want the currently unmasked Antivenom to be spear-tackled by a flying Morbius, who drives Antivenom into a nearby wall. Vulture would then fly in and hover just above the rooftop seemingly waiting on an opening to join the fray. Seeing what he could probably only interpret as a monster pinned to the ground with rebar and a woman he doesn’t know nearby, Vulture would then fly over to Felicia and ask if she’s okay, to which she’ll reply with something akin to “I’m fine. Help him.”, gesturing to the pinned Venom. While a now-more-enraged Morbius and Antivenom fight in the background, with Antivenom clearly still at a strong advantage, Vulture would then fly over and begin to struggle to pull the rebar out of the rooftop to free Eddie.

While this is happening, we change perspective again to watch as Black Cat stalks around the rooftop moving quietly toward Alistair Smythe. Just as she’s about to pounce on him, I want him to look directly at her and smirk, then gesture at the wall behind her where we’ll then see a spider-shaped drone with a very Apple aesthetic. I’m thinking shiny white plastic with anodized aluminum accents. The drone will then open its abdomen carapace to reveal a small-caliber machine gun, which it then trains on Black Cat. Smythe then pulls up his wrist, on which he’s wearing a smart watch, and presses a button. This button opens what at first blush had appeared to be a water-tower and storage shed on the rooftop, revealing the water tower to have been full of 10-15 of these spider-slayer drones, and the shed to have been housing 10-15 humanoid drones which have shoulder-mounted laser guns, ala The Ultimate Spider Slayer. Just as it appears that the spider drone near Black Cat is going to fire, the Drone explodes, and the sound of an echoing gunshot can be heard in the distance. We then see Kraven on the other rooftop expel the spent casing from his rifle and chamber the next round.

Seeing the opportunity to fight on, Black cat rushes at Smythe and activates the metallic claws in her gloves. We see her start to swipe at Smythe, only for the blow to be blocked by one of the humanoid drones. Felecia, seeing no other option at this point, engages the drone in combat just as Vulture is finally able to remove the rebar from Venom and free Eddie. From offscreen, a hail of gunfire riddles the area where Vulture is helping Venom to his feet. A bullet grazes Vulture’s leg, but he lowers a wing to deflect the rest of the oncoming volley. This causes one round to ricochet off the wing and into a propane tank mounted to the roof of the building, which then begins to leak propane. Venom, able to stand but still visibly wounded and haggard, thanks Vulture and then bounds at the still struggling Antivenom and Morbius. The combined might of Venom and Morbius causes a shift in the state of the battle, and it looks as though Antivenom is having trouble keeping up. As the fight between Venom, Morbius, and Antivenom continues, we see Black Cat and Vulture engaging the drones, with Kraven assisting them from the roof across the street.

Just as Antivenom is on the ropes and the drones are finished off, Venom grabs a nearby piece of rebar and rams it through Antivenom’s left leg at the knee, pinning him to the rooftop in a reversal of the situation earlier. Morbius then picks up a second piece of battlefield shrapnel and does the same to the other leg. Antivenom howls in pain, but due to exhaustion can’t escape the bonds. Then the group of Morbius, Vulture, Venom, and Black Cat approach Smythe to apprehend him. As they approach, Smythe smugly smiles and says “You guys really work well together. Even the guy in the back.”, waving at Kraven, “You just overlooked one critical detail. There’s a gas leak.” He then slaps his chest which causes an exoskeleton similar to the shell of the drones to cover him, then he throws a puck-like object onto the ground at his feet, which emits a high-pitched wailing sound. Venom doubles over, the sound causing the symbiote to reel away from Eddie and screech in pain. Smythe’s exoskeleton then drops a handful of red-blinking balls onto the ground. Vulture, correctly assuming the balls are explosive, grabs Felicia and dives off of the rooftop, Morbius close behind. Unfortunately, the screeching puck has immobilized Venom. The bombs detonate, causing the propane tank which had been leaking for some time to explode as well, sending an enormous fireball skyward and nearly demolishing the building.

In the next scene we find ourselves in what appears to be a laboratory. We hear a ventilator, and the camera pans to reveal Morbius, wearing a lab coat, standing near a hospital bed. The camera moves out of the room, revealing Felicia Hardy and Kraven sitting at a table nearby with Adrian Toomes leaning against the wall. The three of them appear to be having a conversation, but the puffing noise of the ventilator and the beeping of other life-support systems nearby is all we can hear. As the camera moves back into the hospital room, we see Morbius writing something on a chart and checking the beeping machines, then the camera looks down into the bed. This reveals Flash Thompson, his legs missing below the knee and wrapped in gauze laying in the bed, a tarlike black ichor enveloping his left hand. Neither is moving, but an EKG readout nearby shows a faint heartbeat. Roll credits.

That could be the end of the movie, but thanks to Marvel there is no such thing as a movie without post credits scenes at this point, so let’s talk about those. In the midroll scene, the perspective will be that of a camera flying very close to an electrical wire. As we follow the wire, we’ll reach the side of a building where we’ll see a bright light appear in the window. The camera will enter the window to reveal Max Dillon becoming corporeal in a room after traveling in the wire. After he becomes corporeal, we’ll see that he’s standing over a bed. We’ll see him try to wake the person sleeping in the bed, to reveal that it’s Andrew Garfield’s Peter Parker, who will wake, panic, then leap and stick onto the ceiling in his boxers. More credits. Then, at the very end of the movie, the screen remains black. We hear the faintest of faint heartbeats as it begins to grow stronger. The heartbeat will continue to strengthen, drawing out the tension until you can feel it in your bones, then, just when the heartbeat starts to sound like a normal one. We se a pair of glowing red eyes open in the darkness, followed by a red glowing symbol of a symbiote dragon just below them.

I really with I knew how to write a script.

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Sunday, April 3, 2022

Robpat: The Animated Series Vol. 2 "On Leather Wings"

Let me start this post with my apologies regarding my relative level of sobriety during the previous post. My sinus infection saga continues and my dosage decreases, which means my acuity returns and hopefully with it, my comprehensibility.

As I recall, in my medicated stupor, I had foolishly set sail on a voyage to fan cast the entirety of Batman: The Animated Series. In keeping with this endeavor, let's look at episode 2 from season 1 "On Leather Wings". Before we get to the fun part, let me re-lay the ground rules I'm using to cast the parts. I'm going to try and codify these a little more today, then attempt to deviate as little as possible moving forward. 

Rule 1: I'll be casting each episode as if it occurs in the universe of The Batman, which means that I won't recast anyone that already has a role in that franchise. 

Rule 2: I'm going to cast each episode as though it was a feature length movie, with a commensurate budget. That means that minor tweaks to the story may need to be made in order to ensure that the runtime will be longer than 20ish minutes. 

Rule 3: I'm uncultured swine, and as such, I tend to go for bigger named actors, and perhaps more importantly, actors with whom I am familiar. Work in geek-culture movies is going to be a likely through-line in my casting choices. I may mention feasibility in my justification for any given choice, but know, I am operating under the impression that the actors will accept the offer. 

Disclaimer: If I manage to contradict myself and cast an actor twice or accidentally recast someone already cast in The Batman, please refer to the first 3 words of rule 3 and accept my humble apologies. 

I'm going to start this off by saying, yes, this is a prime opportunity to cast Harvey Dent in this franchise, as he has a minor role in this episode. I'm going to save that opportunity for the first appearance of Two-Face in the show. I'm going to focus on the 3 most prominent characters in the episode here. 

Now that the groundwork is down, let's talk about a wizened, jaded, older scientist working at the Gotham Zoo, Dr. March. March is set up early on in the episode as a red herring. His obsession with bats and his remarkably prescient attitude towards Bruce Wayne and moneyed people in general make him a prime suspect in the then-ongoing Man-Bat investigation. Visually speaking, the character is a stooped, grimacing, angular man with a disheveled hairstyle and aged features. It's a solid look that is memorable enough for animation, so I'm going to look for a very distinct actor to fill this spot. I won't necessarily land on a visually similar actor, but a distinct look is a must. I think that the most important aspect of this character to bring across will be whether or not he can be bought as a red herring. 

Distinct appearances are an interesting and subjective matter to get into. As I think on the other important factor in this decision, it becomes more and more evident to me that I need to find an older actor to keep in the spirit of the source material, but also need to find an actor who looks like he could hold his own with Robert Pattinson's Wayne. Thankfully, Pattinson is one of the most lithe actors to ever take the role, which means I have a broad pool to pull from. I have been debating with myself whether to try and make a political point with this casting, perhaps casting a black actor so that the concept of stereotyping could come into play, but the longer I think on it, the less I think that my voice is the one to tell that story. That said, I think I found my man. 

For the role of Dr. March, I think that the distinctive face and average build of Matt LeBlanc would work. He doesn't seem to be doing much these days, so maybe, with a little studio cash to grease the wheels, Joey could be our March. Hell, I'd even change the character's name to Dr. Joseph March as a nod. The only catch is that he'd be in an interesting predicament. He'd need to give good villain, without actually being a villain. 


Next up, Let's talk about the spouse of our big-bad for this episode, Dr. Francine Langstrom. Francine in the series is portrayed as an unfortunately bland blonde with glasses. That gives me a whole world to play with, so you bet your ass I'm going to frolic. The nice thing about casting Francine in our movie is that, because she's something of a blank slate, we have a little creative authority. The whole breadth of Hollywood is at our disposal for this role. Here are the criteria I'm going to use to find our Francine. I want a woman that can believably portray "Yeah, my husband is literally a monster who uses echolocation, but I still love him." energy. 

After feeding that criteria into my brain and applying my typical searching techniques (read: Googling with one hand and scratching my nethers with the other) I can really only think of one person I want for this role. I wish I could give more detail about the character and why I think that I've made a good choice, but in my minds eye, this is the name that keeps popping up. 

I think that our Dr. Francine Langstrom should be Deborah Ann Woll. She's a powerhouse of an actor, is willing to do franchise work, and is deeply entrenched in the nerd community. Typical of me to have the entire world at my disposal and come back to white blonde woman. Oh well, at least if Daredevil is anything to go by, we know that she's capable of loving monsters who echolocate. 


Lastly, let's cast the star of the show, or at least, this episode of the show, Dr. Kirk Langstrom. He's a man driven by his passion for science, a fascination with bats, and claims to be addicted to the serum which turns him into the monster known as Man-Bat. He's blessed with a chiseled jawline and strong cheekbones, and gives an air of sliminess from almost the precise moment he's introduced in the series. The easy joke here is to throw out the name Jared Leto, as he's got the jawline, the cheekbones, and if the utterly terrifying torrent of poor reviews are to be believed, I'm sure he's chomping a the bit to play a scientist with a bat expertise again. That said, as easy as that joke would be, I think I'm going to try an pull someone else for the role. 

At first blush, Langstrom has a very similar energy to the Norman Osborne that we got in the contemporary Spider-Man animated series running at the time. I'm not sure that will play a factor in my decision making process, but it is undoubtedly on my mind.  Another possibly relevant point to consider is that at 35, I'd like to find an actor within a decade of Robert Pattinson just so that Langstrom could believably pose a threat to Pattinson's Batman. Looking through my shortlist of actors in this age range, and who tick all of my boxes for Kirk Langstrom, I actually found three people that fit the bill. I really like Benedict Cumberbatch for the role, but if we're being honest, I think he'll be tied up with Dr. Strange for a while. I also thought about Tom Hiddleston, staying in the vein of Marvel-stable actors. Either of these two could definitely pull of the role. I have zero doubt in my mind. That said, I am often a slave to my fancies, and one of those fancies is the concept of serendipity. If there is a possibility to make a pattern where otherwise there was not one, I cannot help but to construct that pattern in my mind, even if I am the only one to enjoy it. It is for that reason that I know I've found my Man-Bat. 

I believe that our Dr. Kirk Langstrom should be portrayed by Cillian Murphy. Obviously, Murphy has the facial structure on lock. The man is gifted in his bone structure. That said, the part that drew me into this is that, having played Scarecrow in the Nolan-verse Batman franchise, Murphy could be one of the first actors to play two distinct members of the Dark Knight's rogues gallery. I like it. 


Here at the end, you may be saying, "Hey, fatso, you spent so much more time on Dr. March than you did on either of the two figurehead characters in this episode. What Gives?".

I don't blame you for having that reaction, but let me puzzle this out really quickly. I think there are layers to this episode that really lend it to having, and I can't believe I'm about to say this, Joey Tribbiani be the most important piece of the puzzle. First off, being a red herring, the character is going to be under scrutiny from both the audience and Batman during the biggest part of the first 2 acts of the film. Am I sure of LeBlanc's ability to deliver on the premise? No, not entirely, but it's worth noting that a red herring always plays their part in tandem with the actual villain of the plot, and as such, LeBlanc would be playing off of Murphy, who is arguably one of the strongest in the business. I think there is also a point to casting Murphy beyond his acting chops that works in our favor when it comes to pulling a fast one on the nerd crowd, and that's that I don't think anyone would expect casting a previous Batman villain in the role of another Batman villain. I don't know, honestly, but I think we're on to something here, so I'll leave you with that. 

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Saturday, April 2, 2022

Batman: The Animated Series Fancasting!

I'm back to writing after a brief hiatus brought on by a wild sinus infection. While hallucinating on a (really rather spicy) combination of steroids, antibiotics, decongestants, and allergy medicine, I was visited by a wandering spirit. The spirit raised my head from my pillow, looked into my eyes, and said, "If you don't roll over every now and then you'll get bedsores, dipshit." I wonder what cryptic lessons that message holds, even now in my lucid state. 

To pass the time, I started watching an old favorite, which I've admittedly not re-watched since I was too young to remember it, Batman: The Animated Series. While watching, I had the idea to fancast the episodes as I finish them. It seemed like a great deal of fun to me, and an opportunity to get a little writing in in my free time, so I've opted to capitalize on the idea. Here are the ground rules. This fancast is going to exist within the Pattinson-verse, and as such any casting decisions already made for The Batman will stand. It was a really well-cast film, I have zero complaints. I usually tend to gravitate toward big names, that is because I'm an uncultured dumb-dumb, so try to bear with me. Finally, I'm going to be casting each episode as if it were a movie, so I'm going to assume at least enough screen time to secure my choices is available. 

Today, I'm going to start with Episode 1, which on HBO Max is The Cat and the Claw, which is a two-part episode revolving around Batman's first interactions with Catwoman, as well as introducing a character original to the show Red Claw. Thankfully, the big casting decisions have already been made for me. We already know Batman and Catwoman, as well as Alfred and Commissioner Gordon. I feel like my job in this case is going to be casting the secondary characters that support the episode, and round out the cast. 

First on the chopping block is going to be Selena Kyle's live-in assistant and secretary (and definitely nothing else) Maven. In the episode, Maven is presented as a very stereotypical secretary fitting for this aesthetic. I think I'm going to keep that energy in my casting choice. I think the chief concern with this choice is going to be finding someone capable of playing across from Zoë Kravitz and match her vibe. I want someone who can be the Alfred to her Bruce, especially if I can find someone who feels to Kravitz what Andy Serkis feels to Robpat Battinbat. Serkis is a far cry from the typical Alfred we have come to expect with Batman adaptations, feeling like a more stout and formidable Pennyworth. For that reason, I think I'd like to find someone who can provide both a matronly nature, but a formidable presence for Maven. She's also portrayed as being of an age with Catwoman in the series, so I'm going to try and keep that. 

I think, given the above criteria and the potential she's shown with her work in the MCU, Florence Pugh is a prime choice for this role. Black Widow and Hawkeye gave me enough faith in both Pugh's ability to command attention, as well as act subtly depending upon the demands of the part. 

Next up, let's go for a really small character, and henchman to our next character, Mr. Stern. Stern appears in the episode as the head of Mulitgon, a real estate development company with designs on converting land near Gotham, which could serve as a wildcat sanctuary, into a gentrified dystopic theme park. Wildly enough, I think the minor themes of The Batman regarding privilege and oversight could really step into the forefront when adapting this story, and Stern is one of the key components in that equation. We need someone who is obviously subservient to our big-bad, but who also can provide solid mini-boss energy. I'm thinking of someone with a punchable face, but who can really dial up the charm if need be. 

So, given these criteria I am of two minds on my casting choice. On one hand, I'd love to go with a younger-looking actor who can provide a sense of naivety to the character. Perhaps even a sense that without the external influence of the big-bad, he may not have gone astray. In that case, my first thought was Colin Hanks. He plays young, he has a striking resemblance to the character as portrayed in the show, and he is competent as hell at the craft. I think he'd be perfect for the role, but I actually think I want him for another role in a future episode. 


If I'm not using Colin Hanks, I think I want to skew a little older on the character. I'm thinking I'll go for someone who is a proven talent at portraying a symbol of gentrification, as well as portraying a character who just emits raw slimeball energy. There's only one talent I can think of that ticks all of my boxes for this iteration of the character, based purely on his performance in Ant Man and The Wasp, and that actor is Walton Goggins. Goggins is a gifted actor and, and I mean this in the nicest way possible, has arguably the most punchable face in the industry. 


Lastly, I want to cast the villain for the movie. I'm not sure of the optics on having the villain turn out to be not only a woman of pretty vague ethnicity and descent the whole time in 2022, but I want to stay at least somewhat consistent with the source material. 

Red Claw is a violent and brutal terrorist and martial artist, who was portrayed as both a competent leader and real badass in the series. I think it would be a huge mistake not to capitalize on that aspect of the character in our casting. So in summary, I'm looking for a proven badass, preferably one who has done some on-screen fighting, and who has an accent. 

I think there is an obvious answer to the casting here. It's not often that I sit down to write one of these with a clear picture of who would fill a spot before I start frantically Googling for actors with the right vibe, but in this case, I think the correct answer has been sitting in front of us since June of 2017. Frankly, the only downsides I can imagine to casting Gal Gadot in the role of Red Claw is that her accent is slightly easier to place than the vague Eastern European accent Kate Mulgrew gave in the source material, and starring here would likely spell doom for her current Wonder Woman franchise. The thing about that is that DC and Warner brothers seem to be playing pretty fast and loose with continuity and whether or not they intend to pursue sequels at this point, so it could be that after 1984 the Wonder Woman franchise may already be dead in the water. 


Gadot is capable of being imposing, has shown an aptitude for combat choreography, and unless I'm misremembering, could be the first actor to punch two distinct Batsman on screen. She's even proven that she's capable of performing as something akin to a villain vis-à-vis Red Notice, so I'm interested in whether or not she could portray someone truly coldblooded and vicious. 

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Thursday, March 24, 2022

With Apologies to Mr. Keoghan...

Hello again, reader. Night number three in a streak of writing projects which have been, admittedly, somewhat refreshing and therapeutic for me. Despite being a creature of habit, I actually tend to have my enthusiasm for any given project peter out pretty quickly. There's a part of me that wonders if the constant deluge of new information and dopamine I get from constantly having a smartphone at arms reach has turned my brain into an increasingly barren skinner box, thus forcing my burnout cycle to shrink by orders of magnitude with each passing day. Alas, I'm not sure I want to court the hollow feeling I get when I inadvertently validate a thousand Boomer Facebook memes, so instead, let's blame this uptick in productivity on the pretty consistent feed of Geek-Culture related news we've been getting this week. 

Speaking of that particular devil, some wild stuff hit Twitter today, and I felt like I really needed to address it, and not because it made me overly happy. DC and Warner Brothers released a deleted scene from The Batman which features Barry Keoghan of Eternals, The Green Knight,  and Dunkirk as a new interpretation of The Joker. I have to say right now, I actually really like this performance. It feels evocative of Heath Ledger's character-defining performance without feeling like an altogether ripoff. It's certainly worlds apart from the, to be diplomatic, less than stellar turn taken by Jared Leto. Believe me when I write, the performance Keoghan delivered in this cut scene is not the part that leaves me disappointed. I'd love to see the character return after some time has passed. Genuinely. 

Instead, the part that has my proverbial panties in a twist is that we've now seen The Joker put to screen nearly as many times as we've seen Batman put to screen, and frankly, while he is Batman's nemesis and arch-villain, he's also pretty boring. That's not to say that I won't be happy with anything the studio releases. I'm a hyper-nerd. I will see literally any half-baked idea that the suits at Warner decide to smear on a strip of celluloid. There's no chance that I won't. What I mean is that of all of the Superheroes in the pantheon of available characters in the DC stable, there is no hero more defined by his rogues gallery than Batman. Batman's rogues frequently highlight the character in ways that other comic heroes should aspire to achieve both in similarity and in stark contrast. So, Instead of spending a night grumbling about a performance I dug in a franchise so full of promise, I wanted to take an opportunity to throw out a few Batman rogues that I'd love to see play opposite of Pattinson's Caped Crusader, and I'll even cast them for good measure. 

Something to consider while reading this list of suggestions is that the story of The Batman seems to take place very early in Batman's career, despite already having built up relationships with Gotham PD and having a bit of a reputation among Gotham's seedy underbelly. With that in mind, I can't rightly suggest Jason Todd or Red Hood show up, as there are certain building blocks necessary to get from A to B that we would be remiss to rush past in this franchise. So, I'm going to try to stick to rogues that could feasibly exist in this current canon, and which fit the movie aesthetically and thematically. Let's jam. 

When I think of Batman, on of the first aspects of the character to cross my mind is always his resolute adherence to Justice. The character, despite having no powers of his own, has dedicated his life to training and has gained the respect of DC's most powerful characters on his own merits as a result. Despite that influence, and despite his own potential gain, Batman has never turned his considerable resources toward any goal but the protection of Gotham. This current film iteration seems to share that singular focus, albeit with a more brutal than average manner of achieving those ends. Now, let's remove personal responsibility from the equation. One of few rogues in Batman's gallery who have beaten him, not just once but on several occasions, and who has been written to have ties to even bigger threats, is Slade Wilson. Deathstroke, one of the world's greatest assassins, has all of the combat skill that Bruce Wayne has, but with an enhanced healing factor, enhanced strength, enhanced reflexes, and an enhanced mind from taking part in a failed super-soldier program. What sets him apart from Batman is that while he does occasionally seem to have a code of honor, largely Deathstroke is loyal only to himself and profit. Now, personally, I'm a pretty big fan of Manu Bennett's take on the character from the CW Flarrowverse, but I want to rule out any previous portrayers of the character from this search. Sadly, that also means we can rule out one of Nerddom's biggest superstars, Joe Manganiello. With that said, I don't plan on imposing any more restrictions than that, so I'm not taking budget or availability into account. 

Deathstroke is often portrayed just a little older than Bruce Wayne in terms of appearance, but thanks to his super soldier healing factor, his actual age doesn't matter. Sadly, those kind of rejuvenating effects aren't commonplace in the real world, so I want to find someone just a smidge older than Robert Pattinson for this role. Pattinson is currently 35, but has a youthful aura. That gives us a rough target to aim for. Thanks to Manu Bennett, I have real difficulty imagining Deathstroke without a distinct accent, and I think in this case we can use that to our advantage. Compiling all of these factors into our calculations, I have one particular actor in mind for the role of Deathstroke, and suddenly while writing this I have found myself remarkably invested in the idea. It's Hugh Jackman. The man has aged remarkably gracefully, even for a celebrity, and has proven before that he's capable of insane levels of fitness and willingness to participate in the genre. Honestly, the only downside to this pick is that because Jackman seems so affable in real life, I couldn't find a recent photo of him mean-mugging. 

With each rogue moving forward, I'd like to "push the boat out" a little further away from the realism that The Batman was moored at. I don't think that Slade is a huge departure from the tone of the established universe, so I think that one is a safe bet. That said, let's let ourselves move away from that just a little further with another rogue that Batman might not always be able to beat in a fair fistfight. One of the aspects of Batman put at the forefront of the character, even in the trailers for The Batman is the brutality, which often verges on savagery, that Pattinson's Batman employs while dispatching the criminals of Gotham. The next rogue I'd like to see in this franchise would dial-up the brutality, and maybe force Bruce Wayne deeper into introspection regarding the casualties he's likely leaving in his wake by so heavily relying on violence. The criminal element of Gotham tend to see Batman as less of a man and more of a monster, so who better to throw this aspect of the character into contrast than Killer Croc? Waylon Jones is often, especially as of late, depicted as a ravenous beast motivated by a desire to feast on human flesh. That's sad, in a way, as the character has one of the more tragic backstories in Gotham and has a great deal of trauma that could be explored to significant effect if he's put in the spotlight.

Imagine, if you will, corpses of brutalized thugs start showing up on the streets of Gotham. Naturally, part of the Gotham PD want to immediately pin these attacks on the vigilante known for brutalizing the local riff raff, and Gordon is sidelined by Internal Affairs because of his established connection to The Batman. Meanwhile, Batman is also investigating these killings, and slowly, over the course of the whole movie, he pieces together a story of neglect, abuse, trauma, ostracism, and ableism. He clashes with Killer Croc multiple times, nearly dying at the hands of the more vicious and stronger villain, throughout the movie, but ultimately realizes that the best way to stop Killer Croc, is to appeal to the humanity left in Waylon Jones. I think that there's a lot to work with here. 

As far as casting Killer Croc, I know that there are a few elements I want to cover. He's typically depicted as a person of color, and often a young one. That's something I needed to keep in mind while finding an actor, but in addition to that, I want to make this a fully CGI character. I was so put off by the makeup in Suicide Squad that Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje's take on the character felt dead on arrival in my mind. When I think of young, black, male actors working today capable of bringing menace to their performance, as much as I want to break the mold here, I can really only imagine Michael B. Jordan here. He's Pattinson's contemporary, and he's also no stranger to Geek-Culture, which really cements this for me. 

Before our last rogue, I'd like to take a moment to give a short list of a few runners-up that should absolutely be adapted (or readapted) to fit into this new franchise. In no particular order, I'd like to see Scarecrow, Clayface, Two-Face, the Court of Owls, and last but not least Solomon Grundy get their own adaptations. They're all incredible villains, and each of them represents an aspect of Batman's character that can be played for some truly juicy contrast. Scarecrow is a very literal manifestation of Batman's use of fear as a weapon. Clayface could be used as a character study on the dangers of trying to be too many people at once. Two-Face has been used to great effect as a foil for the fallen hero that Batman could very easily become. The Court of Owls represents the dangers that Bruce Wayne's connections to Gotham pose to Batman. Solomon Grundy is a big old zombie man who does a stronk punch. All of these are equal in merit and value to Batman as a character. 

Now, lastly, Batman is a character known for his devotion to a cause. His desire to see Gotham thrive is one of, if not chief among, his principle motivators for putting on the cowl every night and prowling the rooftops. In my mind, the only character capable of throwing such powerful devotion into contrast is a character whose devotion vastly outweighs Bruce Wayne's. Victor Fries, also known as Mr. Freeze, is a dedicated husband whose absolute selfless devotion to his wife makes him one of Batman's most relatable and sympathetic rogues. At some points, Freeze's ends make it hard to even refer to him as a villain, though his means are often hard to reconcile. What sets Victor apart from Batman's vast catalogue of rogues is that Batman cannot punch this problem hard enough to make it go away. It's a tenacity that Fries shares only with the Joker; however, where the Joker is hellbent on playing a game with Batman, Victor's commitment to his mission leads him down a criminal path to restore his wife's health by any means necessary. 

Strangely, ice puns aside, this is one of the more faithful villain adaptations we've seen yet in a Batman movie, and how it came from a Schumacher movie I'll never truly understand. Arnold Governator gave us an, while admittedly a quirky and silly adaptation, a sad and sympathetic villain with complex motivation. If he'd been in a better movie, I think there's a real chance that this would be Arnold's defining character, and not the T-800 from Terminator. Were these movies bad? Yes. Were they bonkers inaccurate on nearly every other rogue adaptation? Yes. Were they totally beyond redemption? Nearly No. The adaptation of Freeze is a glowing pinprick in the vast dark sky of these movies, and if we're being completely frank, as I've aged, the campiness has grown on me. 

So, who plays Victor Fries in the RobPat Battenverse? Let's examine the elements of this character that I took into account in my search. First off, Fries is a very European name, and often his adaptations lean into that. Personally, America is a melting pot and I think that we could comfortably discard that commonly adapted element. Second, Fries needs to be older. It's important to remember that Fries is a highly distinguished scientist, and has years of study and years of marriage under his belt. One of the important aspects of this character is that his spouse, Nora, was put into cryostasis before her terminal disease could make good on the promise of terminality. As a result, I think that there is potential drama to be mined from making Nora's actor similar in age to Pattinson, but having Victor, who's lived outside the stasis, portrayed by an actor considerably older, implying possible incompatibility and/or wasted time and potential. I think the most important aspect of this character is the tragedy of his circumstances. So, that gave me a pretty broad net to cast for actors. Part of me wants to recommend George Clooney as a form of poetic irony, but I think that Clooney has aged so gracefully that he couldn't really exhibit the level of frailty and delicacy I want to put into Fries. With that said, I think there is a franchise-friendly older actor, who has proven chops portraying a sickly character robbed by circumstance. It's Saw's own Tobin Bell. Bell is going on 80 this year, which skews a little further into age than I had initially hoped for this character, but while looking for an actor to fit the part, every headshot I saw of him just bled with the dedicated vacancy I imagine in Victor Fries' eyes. It's a cold stare, but not one lacking in humanity. 


I'm going to leave this here for now, but I'd love to come back to fan-casting this universe again in the future. I think there is an astounding amount of potential with this iteration of Batman, and I think the decision to leave The Joker on the cutting room floor bodes well for Matt Reeves' willingness to step outside the usual comfort zone inhabited by the past few Batman movie directors. Let's just hope that we stick with Bat movies, and don't end up with bad movies. 

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